This afternoon the doorbell rang and I answered it to find 2 cows, 2 pigs, 2 rabbits, a pair of stoat, and 2 robins, 2 geese, 2 ducks, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 frogs, 2 hamsters, 2 foxes, 2 doves, 2 starlings, a brace of pheasants, 2 rats, 2 sheep, 2 lamas, a horse, oh and another horse, 2 snails, 2 iguanas and... well, I'm sure your getting the idea. I've started growing a long white whispy beard and have taken to standing in the front garden, in my new robe (fashioned by Linda out of an old curtain, ok, a pair of old curtains) and holding my arms aloft, wooden staff in my hand and shouting at the sky "I'm ready to do my duty Oh Lord but when will it ever cease!?"
Oh you think I'm exaggerating don't you? I thought so... Well last night Linda and I ordered a takeaway as we've both been a little under the weather... Pun intended! We decided that some good hot Jalfrezi and a little red wine was just the sort of thing to see off the bugs, of which there were of course two, and after ringing to chase our order several times, this was the scene when the food eventually arrived, 2 hours late!
To some people, rain is little more than a minor inconvenience. The kids can't play out, one has to carry around an umbrella, our new hairdo gets ruined and the grass is too bogged down to cut. For others of course rain is far more disasterous, farmers crops get ruined, football matches get called off, peoples houses flood and their lifes possessions end up as piles of detritus on the front lawn to show the TV cameras, and yet for around 30-40 thousand of the residents of this lovely, charming little lane on which we live, it's absolute heaven. And I hate every single, quacking, flapping, preening, "I don't care how much it rains", pointy faced, web-footed one of them! Now, where's my gun?
